☀️ optimism is a skill (part two)

I'm loving the response to this topic!

In part one, I shared the health benefits of optimism — lower stress, stronger immune system, better problem-solving, and even longer life.

But today I want to zoom in on the "how".
How do you train yourself to be optimistic?
What are the practical exercises you can do?

As for my story, the twist I didn’t realize for a long time:
I was wildly optimistic…
for other people.

If a friend came to me with a dream, I was like:
“Yes. Obviously. You can totally do that.”

If my kiddo felt stuck, I thought:
“This is temporary. You’re capable. You’ll figure it out.”

I truly believed in possibility.
Just not… for myself.

So I thought I was an optimistic person.
I looked like one.
I sounded like one.

But my inner narrator was a totally different show:

“What could go wrong?”
“This probably won’t work for me.”
“I should prepare for disappointment just in case.”

Not overly dramatic. Just quietly...the worst.

And then in my coaching certification learned something that changed everything:

Your brain (specifically the part called the Reticular Activating System) is basically a suggestion-taking machine.
It believes what you repeat and looks for confirmation of that belief.

So instead of trying to “be positive” (which felt fake and exhausting), I started (skeptically) using something I call first-person goals to gently rewire my default.

"First-person goals" are goals or scripts you want to be true — that aren’t true yet — written in the first person as if they already are true. (Still with me?)

Instead of:
“What could go wrong?”
I practiced:
“What could go right?”

Instead of:
“I will always be a yo-yo dieter.”
I practiced:
“I can indulge on occasion without backsliding.”

Instead of:
“This is going to be a disaster.”
I practiced:
“I can handle whatever happens next.”

Instead of:
“If I fail, this will be embarrassing.”
I practiced:
“I can handle being embarrassed.”

I wrote them in a journal.
I chose to read them (just silently in my mind) every morning.

I want to point out that I did this practice skeptically not actually believing it would even work. 😆
As new pessimism popped up, I’d write a new “antidote” script specifically tailored to it.

The list grew quite long over a year.
They were identity reps.
Tiny mental workouts.

Here’s what changed:
Not my circumstances.
My default interpretation of them.

That’s what optimism really is:
Not pretending things are great.
Not ignoring problems.
Not toxic positivity.

It’s training your brain to ask a different first question.

Instead of:
“What’s wrong?”
Try:
“What’s possible?”
“What’s one thing that’s still in my control?”
“What’s the most generous explanation here?”

Three practical ways to build optimism as a skill:

1️⃣ Catch the script
When you feel discouraged, write the sentence your brain is using.
Example: “I always mess this up.”
Rewrite it in first-person growth language:
“Even if I don’t nail it, I will learn from it.”

2️⃣ Shrink the time horizon
Optimism doesn’t mean believing in the whole future.
It means believing in the next step.
Not “my life will work out.”
But:
“I can handle today’s next decision.”

3️⃣ Collect evidence
Your brain loves proof.
Start noticing:
• small wins
• times you recovered
• moments you adapted
• places you didn’t quit

Optimism grows from memory as much as mindset.

And just so we’re clear:
This does NOT mean you never spiral again.
I still do though far less frequently. It just means your brain learns a new home base.

From:
“This probably won’t work.”
To:
“Let’s see what happens.”

From:
“I’m bad at this.”
To:
“I’m getting better at this.”

From:
“I’m stuck.”
To:
“I’m in process.”

The goal is not perfection. It’s changing your default where confidence is the home base and self-doubt is the visitor.

And our default shapes our lives.

So here’s your Monday question:
What sentence does your brain repeat when things feel hard?
And what’s one first-person goal “antidote” you could practice instead? (hit reply and let me know!)

Small shift.
Huge ripple.

☀️ Katie

Here's a shot from my keynote where I explain my old default scripts and how it took about six months of reps to make the right-hand column my new default. (Note: It doesn't mean the first column doesn't still whisper to me, but they are the visitors now, not the home base.)

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Up Next:

February: New monthly theme: Simplified Meal-Planning inside the Habit Lab I'm giving away my formula for no-brainer prep.

Tuesday, February 10th: Zoom Live Group Coaching inside the Habit Lab. If you've been wanting to join, but not sure when, jumping in for a live call, is a great move! Join the lab (new lower price! $9 or $79!) and jump in!

March 2-4: I'll be a keynote speaker and workshop leader for the Landlocked Luxury Conference in Milwaukee. If you have any inkling that you might want to go, DO IT. It is going to be epic. Ten tickets left!