☀️ force vs. flow: the sneaky reason your habits stop feeling good

Oops. I accidentally turned my mental-health walks into a competition with my watch.

Anyone else ever optimize yourself right out of enjoyment? 😂

It’s walking theme inside The Habit Lab right now, so I decided to go all in — 10k steps a day, every day for two weeks. Which sounded DELIGHTFUL because I actually LOVE to go on walks.

Except somewhere along the way, my peaceful “walk for clarity” turned into “walk for data.”

I caught myself checking my watch, counting laps, trying to win a challenge that I INVENTED MYSELF.

Classic Katie: I can force the fun right out of something if I’m not careful. The dark-side of systematizing.

So this week, I’m choosing flow over force.
I’m still walking. Still showing up.
But I’m letting it be for me, not for a metric.

"Intentionally meandering" is a phrase I keep coming back to.

So whatever habit you’re trying to call in here’s how you do an official “Flow vs Force Check-in” because flow = long-term habit change and force = quick burnout.

We’re looking for the long-haul here.

How to Know If You’re In Balance (The Flow vs. Force Check-in)

1. Notice your energy, not your output.
Are you energized afterward, or drained? Flow restores energy. Force depletes it.

2. Check your inner dialogue.
Does it sound like: “I have to do this” or “Oooh…yay! I get to do this!” That tiny word swap is the difference between aligned and pressured. (Note: neutral is also fine. There are times when I go to my weight-lifting class and I feel nothing in particular at all. Peacefully neutral is a great option.)

3. Remember: every new habit has a little bit of force.
That’s normal! You’re rewiring patterns and finding your footing.
But a good rule of thumb:

If it still feels like you’re white-knuckling it after 30 days, it’s probably time to pivot.
Ease doesn’t mean 100% easy — but it does mean sustainable.

4. Look for signs of resistance.
If your body or brain feels like it’s fighting you, it’s feedback, not failure.
Ask: “How could this feel lighter, simpler, or more fun?”

5. Redefine progress.
Sometimes the win isn’t more steps, reps, or minutes — it’s coming back home to yourself. Alignment.

We can love structure and softness at the same time.
Flow doesn’t mean giving up on discipline — it means finding the version that fits your season.

"Come on kids. PIck-up the pace. We've got steps to get and there's no time to enjoy any bit of it!"

Snapshot: The Flow Over Force Check-In
Because over-optimization can sneak in anywhere — even into your self-care.

The idea:
When a habit starts feeling like a chore, it’s not always the habit that needs changing — it’s the approach.
Every new habit takes a little force in the beginning.
But if, after 30 days, you’re still white-knuckling it… it’s time to pivot toward flow.

Flow Over Force Snapshot:

If strength-training feels like punishment → Try a short lift, a dance session, or focus on how strong you feel, not the numbers.
If journaling feels like homework → Try voice notes, bullet journaling, or a 2-line “gratitude recap.”
If your mindfulness practice feels like a chore → Try "walking meditation" or just a quiet coffee with no phone.
If meal prep feels rigid → Prep your protein and one veggie, then freestyle the rest.
If time-blocking feels suffocating → Keep your anchors, but add flex time and buffer zones.
If walking feels like competition → Leave the watch at home, wander, or choose music that feels like a soundtrack.
If a screen detox feels forced → Replace it with something that actually feels good. You’ll naturally be off your phone more often when you’re at that trivia night you signed up for.
If bedtime routine feels too strict → Choose one calming cue (like dim lights or tea) instead of the whole checklist.

Force gets you started. Flow keeps you going.

Curious if you can relate to this? Hit reply and let me know if you’ve ever over-optimized your self-care. (Tell me I’m not alone!)

xoxo,

-Katie Day

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💻 Group Coaching with me on Zoom! Tomorrow, Tuesday, October 21, 6:30pm CST! Inside the Habit Lab! Join the lab, then join us!

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