As your resident sloppy lil skeptic, I resisted this idea for years: What if the things that make you happy are leading you to your purpose? โ What if happiness is a clue that you're on the right track? โ What if "hard work" is actually an oxymoron, and the things you delight in, by their very nature, make others feel delighted, too?
What if a win for you is a win for....everyone?
Something happens when Ryan Gosling hosts SNL. The entire cast starts laughing. He can't stay in character when he's being ridiculous, and it breaks even the most skilled straight characters. He broke Mikey Day!
In short: he is having a blast and it is contagious.
Jimmy Fallon is the same way, notorious for breaking character because he's genuinely getting a kick out of the people around him.
When you watch somebody having a really good time- you start having one, too.
What a gift! That the people who love what they do create an experience where the receiver gets to love it as well.
Performance runs in my family. My grandmother Lucetta could sit down at the piano and play anything by ear after hearing it once. (!!!) My siblings can win any game night. My brother has won the "sexiest man" contest on every cruise ship to date and it's not because of his body. (Sorry, Kev.๐) It's because he is hilarious.โ โ We love to perform. Before becoming a keynote speaker, the stages I'd take were rooted in theatre, choir, and improv comedy.
And I seem to have handed the bug down. This past weekend, my 15-year-old daughter performed in the local theatre's 20-show run of Seussical the Musical, same 2 hr performance, show after show after show. โ โ
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When I asked if she was exhausted, she said "I'm sure I'll be ready for rest when it's over... but it's so much fun!"
There's a scene where she has to army-crawl offstage. Her knees are literally bruised from the choreography, but she never complains. She loves it so much she hardly notices and each show I pick her up I watch the audience pile out on to the street BEAMING.
Earlier this year, I got to be part of something called the Ozark Jubilee Tribute Show. I sang a comedy spoof of Patsy Cline's Crazy. Standing in the middle of a historic, gorgeous theater, I was overwhelmed with gratitude.
I get to sing. I love to sing. And there's an audience here that loves to watch people sing.
We were genuinely giving a gift to each other. Their generous attention was a gift to me. My song was a gift to them. A complete win-win.
Then the stage manager said something I had never heard before, just casually, as if it were common knowledge.
He said, "Remember when you bow, you're thanking the audience."
I stopped him. "Wait... what did you just say?"
He explained: the bow isn't just you accepting applause. It's you channeling that applause and turning it back toward them.
I had never heard it described before as two-way exchange. I asked the rest of the cast if they'd ever heard that. My comedy bestie Cale deadpanned: "No, I always assumed we bowed so we could better receive all the praise." ๐
"That's beautiful," I said.
"It really is," he said.
This past Saturday was an scheduling anomaly...
Callie had two shows with a break in between. Nora had three ballet rehearsals with a break in between. It was all taking place downtown at the same time as a big 'ole festival. We happen to be the birthplace of Route 66 which based on how hard it has been to find parking all week is A VERY BIG DEAL, and there was a whole festival celebrating its 100th anniversary: new art sculptures unveiled, live music all weekend, timed perfectly with our annual ArtsFest.
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I've learned when these over-scheduled days come up, it's better to surrender to them and look for the magic. I mean, think about it: I would be required to "kill time" between drop-offs at an arts festival? Challenge accepted! Rows and rows of vendors, each one showcasing something delightful they made. There was live painting, and I got completely captivated by one painter who seemed utterly lost in her work. (side note: she was fifty and dressed FABULOUSLY so I'm obsessed with her.) She smiled as she painted. I smiled as I watched her paint.
Later that same day, we took our kids for a deeply nutritious right of passage: a Chinese buffet. My youngest Sadie and I found ourselves taken by the chef rolling sushi. Such speed! Such precision! Finally he looked up and said, "Can I help you?" We laughed, "Oh... no. We're just enjoying watching you." He laughed, the corners of his eye crinkling as he continued to roll.
It's fun to watch people who are good at what they do.
It's fun to watch people who are enjoying themselves.
It feels effortless to watch people who make things look effortless.
โ โ For years, I believed work was supposed to be grueling. That long careers implied long suffering. That even marriage was supposed to be work. But I'm running an experiment I'm calling Follow the Joy.
What if our highest enjoyment creates enjoyment for others? What if that's actually an option for how we pay our bills?
One of my non-negotiables (a hill I will die on) is that habit change has to be enjoyable.
If it's not fun, it's not sustainable.
We can white-knuckle things for a while, but lasting change belongs to people who've found a way to enjoy what they spend their time on. I believe this is just as true in careers.
Enjoyment equals longevity. Longevity equals impact. So if we want to impact the world, we'd better start enjoying ourselves.
This is why I believe so strongly in alignment over achievement, living every day in accordance with your unique values. โ When I changed careers a couple of years ago, it felt a little crazy to leave a job that was secure and, on paper, perfect. But something in my soul knew alignment was just around the corner.
Once I got clear on my values and committed to a one-year experiment (what if I made decisions based on what matched my values instead of what I thought I should want?) everything shifted.
One of my "first-person goals" (a statement that you want to be true, but isn't necessarily true yet written in the first person, present tense as if it is already true.) during that time was "If I am living in alignment and integrity, I am on track. Period. The money will come."
I wrote that without believing it. That's okay. That's actually how affirmations work, you don't have to believe them, yet. You're writing what you wish you believed. The more you repeat it, the more familiar your brain gets with it, and the more possible it starts to feel. Then you begin align your actions with those statements because they seem familiar, possible, and not so scary.
What do you think? Too delusional? Too optimistic? Annoying? ๐ โ I know. I wouldn't have believed me either. Remember, I'm a recovering skeptic myself. But there's something to this... something about following the joy (deep, rich soul-level aligned, integrous joy) that keeps ringing true.
Want to try it on as an experiment? Even just for a day? Maybe a couple of weeks? โ What choices could you make that bring you closer to your own values, instead of the ones you say yes to because they feel like the adult thing to do?
What if good news for you is good news for everyone?
Try it before you rule it out. You can always go back to white-knuckling and long-suffering. That path will always be there waiting for you.
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"The master in the art of living โmakes little distinction between his work and his play."
โ Lawrence Pearsall Jacks
British philosopher, educator, and Unitarian minister
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Proud of you Callie bug! Sorry to Emerson who got Who-blocked...classic Who hair move. At least he paid it forward by blocking Sadie's face. Great work everyone! All around, fantastic photo. (Btw this photo was taken just a few hours after I spoke at Think Summit. LOL. Passing the stage torch. Making Lucetta proud!)
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Sadie took my photo while we were volunteer-ushering together and it reminded me of Garden State. LOL. I love it! ๐
After hitting rock bottom, I've embarked on a radical journey. For one year, I'm taking a break from all cynicsm and trying out some crazy self-improvement experiments (so you don't have to.)