☀️ "i think we're soulmates"...

I just flew back from the marketing conference (and boy! are my arms tired! bad-um tsss!)

For three days, I listened to speakers, participated in workshops, dove deep into conversations with strangers and the theme that kept coming back was “connection’.

Don’t try to “network”, just try to connect.

This has been a theme in improv comedy for us lately, too. Jeff gave us a little pep talk before a show, “Don’t try to be funny. Just try to connect with your scene partner. Listen. Be present. The jokes will come.”

Phew. What a relief!

I would so much rather try be a good listener than spend a conversation halfway in my own head trying to figure out when to slip my elevator pitch in.

I started to realize this didn’t just apply to the marketing conference or improv comedy either.

What if in every relationship, I checked any possible ulterior motive at the gate and just tried to listen, be present, and connect?

The motive: I want to have a deep friendship with my husband. The move: just listen intently when he talks to you.

The motive: I want my kids to be good humans. The move: Be present when they are telling you about the little things in their day. Just listen.

The motive: I’d love to be a booked-out coach. The move: Listen deeply to the REAL LIFE humans who have already reached out to you!

Connection > “Conversion”

Relationships > Results

What would happen if all of us dialed in even just a little bit more and made our focus the person in front of us instead of our own motive?

—

One connection I cherish is Kelsey, my conference bestie sidekick who whispered “I think we’re travel soulmates” when we liked each others’ food orders better than our own and happily traded.

Kelsey is the wingman you could only dream of. A self-proclaimed introvert, you’d never know it based on the amount of energy she summoned to be able to handle this ball of constant extroversion.

(She also took probiotic shots with me every morning and committed to every niche comedy bit we created. “did that person say they created an online course? Or an online horse?”, “I’m pretty sure she said horse….” cut to us: exclusively referring to them as “online horses” for the remainder of the three days. She’d whisper just to me….“I’ve got a signature horse…I’ve got a few mini-horses….”)

We share a delightfully weird sense of humor.

When I had the crazy vulnerable idea to host NOT ONE, but TWO meet-ups this conference, she was right beside me whispering “This will be great. You are magnetic. People love you.”

She also is empowered enough to say what she needs.

“I feel safe to tell you when I need a break.”

Safety.

Maybe that’s why we’re travel soulmates. Not just our literally perfect food ordering behaviors & mutual affinity for beating a dead horse joke. We make each-other feel safe.

When people feel safe, they can connect.

Safety = Connection.

—

At the end of the conference, we had two flights to get home and a looming thunderstorm.

When the first flight was delayed, we knew our next move went from “it’s gonna be tight!” to “is it even physically possible to make it from Denver’s Gate A20 to B90 in 15 minutes?”.

I looked her in the eyes. “I need you to believe and I need you to sprint.”

“I believe.”

We sprinted for fifteen minutes straight, dodging toddlers, weaving around the elderly, laughing hysterically.

We arrived at our gate one minute before the boarding time ended only to see the glorious, ironic word “delayed”.

We could have walked and still made it. We could have stopped for a Cinnabon, for crying out loud.

After three days of focusing on the word “connection”, we almost missed our connection.

But we made it. And after an extra long flight through a lightning storm, constant turbulence, re-routing through New Mexico (?!), and over-communicating pilot announcements “we’re gonna see if we can land, otherwise we might just go to Tulsa”….the weather cleared for just few minutes, and the wheels touched down in Springfield, Missouri.

We connected with the ground and I started a round of applause which the fellow passengers joined in, all of us laughing in relief.

I suppose pilots also need safety in order to connect. 😏

—

What about you? Is there a relationship in your life that you’d love to improve? What would happen this week if instead of thinking “how can I change this person?” We thought “how can I make this person feel as safe as possible?”

What would happen in our conversations this week if instead of trying to be “the funniest person in the room”, we tried to be “the best listener in the room”.

Hit reply and tell me one goal for this week!

Cheering you on SO HARD.

Your hype girl, -Katie Day (write back soon!)

Current Read:

Live from New York by Miller and Shales. I recently saw Jon Lovitz perform standup and got to meet him after the show which re-ignited my "classic SNL" nerdom. Also I needed a tiny break from reading about neuroscience.

Current Growth Goal:

I'm building a new website! It's time to showcase more than my old photography blog I started in 2008. Creating space for the new Katie Day adventures. I'm especially excited to get started after bonding HARD with Jen from Tonic at the conference. (Speaking of sharing a delightfully weird sense of humor.)